Following on from my university blog post, I realised that I have a lot of ex-friends.
According to The Urban Dictionary an ex-friend is “A person who you were once friends with, but are no longer friends with, usually due to some kind of an argument.”
In some cases this is exactly what happened, but in others its just simply through drifting apart. As we all grow older ( although 22 really isn’t that old ) we don’t get as much free time to see each other, so friendships can easily break away. We also learn the true value of friendship when something bad happens and you see who is still around. Now this “drifting apart” isn’t necessarily because I don’t like you anymore, or because we have fallen out, but it simply means I don’t have time for you.
Sounds horrible doesn’t it?
With a full time job, hobbies and commitments outside of work and the ability to do overtime as well I rarely have free time during the week to myself, let alone to entertain you.
I do have time for every single one of my close friends and family but what some distant friends need to realise is that my time is limited, just like I understand their time is. The close friends I see now all have boyfriends, other friends and large families they spend their time with but they are always on the other end of the phone if I need them. These are the best kind of friends you could have and I am lucky to have a select few of them.
We don’t have to text everyday, see each other at least once a week or plan getaways together to prove our friendship. My friends are there, when they need to be, and I know they always will be.
If we don’t speak anymore, it probably is your fault.
To be true to the point and be as real as possible, if we don’t speak anymore then it will be your fault. I am a strong believer in ‘it takes two to tango’ and I make the effort with those that make the effort back with me. If you only call me when you ‘need’ something or you’re bored and have exhausted your list of friends then you will probably get either no reaction from me or I will be busy (even if I am not).
I myself have trust issues and it takes a lot for be to bring my hypothetical wall down, so once you’re in, count yourself lucky. Now on the other hand, if you do something that makes me throw you back over that wall, believe me, you are not visiting Becci land anytime soon.
The reason behind this, although you may think it is hypocritical, is because I am not just there to fill in the gaps when you have nothing to do. If one of my best friends rang me like, “hey what you doing today” then I would be there if I was free, but if a distant friend rang me saying the same, it is obvious I am a gap filler as your other friends aren’t free.
I hold my hands up.
I probably am a terrible friend as I spend a lot of time with my boyfriend and love getting into bed on a work night rather than going out, but does that make me a bad person? I have fallen out with people in the past because of their views on how I choose to spend my time, and really, this just proves they weren’t a great friend to start with.
I live with my boyfriend so I see him everyday but if one of my friends wanted to do something, then in a heartbeat I would say yeah I will be there. Just because I live with my boyfriend, doesn’t mean I never want to see my friends and never have free time like some of them used to think (still do). We both have separate friends, separate hobbies and separate free time to do what we want and just see each other at the end of the day. I am never going to say no to seeing my boyfriend, just “in case” one of my friends is free, because they might not and then I will be on my own, how silly would that be?
I think part of growing up is realising who your true friends are. If you’re reading this and questioning our friendship, then don’t text me asking and pesting because chances are if you do have my number, then we are still friends and this isn’t about you at all.
To those who got lost along the way and aren’t sure how to reach me anymore, it was nice knowing you, I am sure we have lots of memories, and I wish you the best for your future, but sadly, you are no longer in mine. I never wish ill on people and I still think about you now and again, but really its time to move on, make new friends, and make new memories.